Monday, August 16, 2010

Lady Booze - Baffled by your 'hostesses' drink selection, then remember the golden rule - steer well clear of whatever in God's name she is having!

Some people think that the drink a person chooses says a lot about that person in question. Just like there are some drinks you would probably not order at a workplace event or when out with a potential business client.

Therefore it will come as no surprise that if you find yourself baffled by your 'hostesses' drink selection, then remember the golden rule - steer well clear of whatever in God's name the lady is having!

It's in no way a lazy, mindless generalisation to state boldly and unequivocally that some drink are best suited to gentleman, and some are best suited to ladies; it's just the way it's meant to be.

Men have traditionally liked strong, sour, foul-smelling liquids: the kind that make your face screw up when you drink them and that leave a stinging tear in the corner of your eye.

Women, on the otherhand, have always been suckers for sweet, sticky, colourful fare: the kind that matched their nail varnish or their outfit.

So far, so good, but over the last few years the natural order has started to crumble.

It's not that it is socially unacceptable for men to drink fruit flavoured continental beer, vanilla vodka, blush wines or alcopops: we're not actually supposed to like them!

So unless your aim is to be the kind of man who finds himself - at 50 - propping himself up in wine bars and losing the battle to hang onto his hair, his dignity and his alcopop, stick to what you know best.
If it looks dull, tastes like medicine and burns the back of your throat, you're fine. If it looks like one of the colours of the rainbow, tastes of watermelon and kiwi fruit and clashes with your shirt, you're on a slippery downward slope!

# Blue Nun Spritzer - Sweet, cheap, crap German wine with a splash of soda. Up there with houses completely plastered in flashing lights and dancing reindeer at Christmas, as an indicator of class.

# Advocaat - bravely utilising Dutch eggs as its principal ingredient, along with sugar and brandy. It has a distinct yellow colour, smooth consistency and custard like flavour. Everyone bought one bottle out of sheer curiosity. That soon stopped.

# Jello shots or any variety of neon shots with about as much alcohol as a juice box. Pointless.

# Rose wine - It's not red, it's not white and it can't possibly be drunk by men without rumours starting. Drunk by those suffering from an identity crisis.

# Umbrella drinks - Those fruity, creamy concoctions can make an impression. But is that an impression you want to make?
Drinks with umbrellas and lots of garnish (cherries, oranges, pineapples) or those with contents on the rim are usually consumed by young ladies. Take it away, whatever it is!

# Any drink or shot that boasts whipped cream as an ingredient or garnish. Nowadays it could get you locked up.

# Malibu - Poncey rum and coconut concoction. A marketing departments dream. A drink wrongly associated with clear blue skies, golden sands, palm trees etc. For the man most comfortable wearing Hawaiian shorts, flip-flops and sunglasses indoors!

# Baileys - Take away the meagre whiskey content and you basically have a cream-laced coffee with ice in it. Not so clever.

# Cocktail - Often it's a primary colour and has a straw in it. Usually fruity, bright and downright girly. Ban it!